Involved
by The Forsaken Girl
Summary: Distance…I needed distance.No more nicknames, no more brushes past his arm, no more looks that held too long. They can't be involved. He can't be involved." Oneshot,spoilers for 167. Rated for cussing and very light shonen-ai. Kurofai


A/N: Hi there! So, this is my first fanfic that I have ever written (or posted)... And I would love it if you, the reader, would mind writing a review about how I have done in this nerve-wracking experience... This is quite an over-used idea, but I had inspiration, and before I knew it, I was staring at six pages worth of written words. Then I transcribed them, handed it to my friend, who liked it, and I decided to post it. So I hope you guys like it!

Tsubasa RESRVoir CHRoNiCLE

Involved

* * *

I've always known he had feelings for me. I've known ever since his blood touched my parched lips, giving me a life I have never wanted. I've known ever since his heated glares for me were held a little too long, when his grip on my arm was a little too tight, when his words spoken at me were a little too sharp, when his furious red eyes were a little too worried.

What I didn't realize was that I didn't mind. A small, traitorous part of me even reveled in his concern, however jaded it may be. I couldn't let this happen. Distance…I needed distance. No more nicknames, no more brushes past his arm, no more looks that held too long. They can't be involved. He can't be involved. I'm a curse, a sin, a murderer. No one should be close to me for I am jinxed. Especially not…these people that I travel with, my friends, my family, my life. Especially not them. Especially not Kurogane.

But why is it, after I walk into his room, fists clenched and gaze steady, that all of this does not matter anymore?

* * *

Tomoyo-hime smiled, that gentle, serene smile, and excused herself before walking out the door and closing it with a soft but audible _click._ Kurogane watched her leave, eyes trained on her every movement until her shadow disappeared from view, her presence a faint memory. His eyes immediately snapped back to the blond now sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at him with a small, but genuine smile.

"Did I hit you too hard, Kuro-tan?" said Fai teasingly. His eye was alight with humor and mischief like it had when there were two eyes, but the well-hidden concern in the blue orb showed Kurogane the sincerity of his question.

Kurogane smirked, raising an eyebrow at the subject. "Sure. As if your scrawny little hand could ever hurt me."

"I don't know, Kuro-pon," Fai remarked. He leaned back, arms supporting his body as he tilted his face up to the ceiling. He continued to stare up at the ceiling, Kurogane waiting patiently for an answer, when Fai slid his eye over to rest on Kurogane's stump of an arm. "Ever since you turned me into a vampire in Tokyo, my strength and speed have increased measurably."

Kurogane's eyes widened and he looked at Fai. A blue eye met his shocked gaze. There was no underlying contempt or hate in his voice. His eye was calm and unflinching, meeting Kurogane head-on. Did Fai forgive him for saving his life?

Kurogane refused to give voice to the unanswered question, and instead cleared his throat uncomfortably, turning away from the piercing blue stare of the other man. "Physical strength. You only received physical strength."

Fai bent his head, his bangs covering his eye. "True. I didn't have mental strength. Until now." He looked up at Kurogane and smiled. It was a guilty smile that conveyed the self-blame and sorrow he felt all his life. "I'm sorry it took an arm for me to make sense of it."

Kurogane grunted and shifted uneasily in his bed, his arm scratching the bandages on his side. "Whatever. I'm just glad I didn't have to coddle you like a fucking baby all my life."

Fai laughed and moved so that he was sitting next to Kurogane. Without a moment's hesitation, he clasped onto his arm and rested his head on Kurogane's shoulder. "You? Coddle? I don't think you know what the meaning of coddle is, Kuro-sama."

"Shut up, you stupid mage," muttered Kurogane. He looked at Fai. "Why are you using nicknames again?"

Fai tensed, his grip on Kurogane's arm tightening. He'd hoped this question wouldn't have come up so soon. He refused to look up at Kurogane's face and instead buried his own into the ninja's shoulder.

They sat in silence for awhile, with Fai's face buried in the other man's shoulder and Kurogane staring at the top of Fai's head in mild exasperation. Then Fai moved slightly, removing his face from Kurogane's shoulder and turning so that all the red-eyed man could see was the black eyepatch. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. If you can't tell the truth, don't bother saying anything at all. I'm sick and tired of all the fucking lies."

Fai chuckled slightly, but it was strained and fake and bitter and _god damn it, _why did he laugh when he didn't want to?

He looked at Kurogane suddenly, his blue eye bright and filled with desperation and confusion, his hands now clutching Kurogane's arm even tighter, as though he were a lifeline.

"I…" Fai's voice quavered, and he shook his head as if there was an invisible fly. He cleared his throat and blinked several times. "I… don't understand. Why don't you let me protect you? I'm a murderer, a sinner, a liar, a stealer… my name isn't mine. It's my brother's name. Fai is my brother! Not me! And I try and try so hard, to keep distance… but you keep on trying to get close to me! I tried; I really did, to protect you like you have protected me. But now, I've forgiven you, and I'm sorry, and I hope you forgive me. Thanks to you, I know I'm worth something, that I have a life to live, but I'm not worth your time! I'm not worth that much…"

Fai panted slightly, staring earnestly into Kurogane's indecipherable face. Kurogane closed his eyes and jerked his arm away from Fai. The blond let go of his arm and looked down at the bed, his hands fisting the bed sheets in shame.

Kurogane opened his eyes, glaring at the man next to him with barely concealed anger. His hand grasped the magician's arm and pulled the man towards him so that Fai toppled over onto Kurogane. The other man suppressed a wince when a pale hand grazed over his bandaged stump and instead wrapped his arm around Fai's waist, preventing the man from escape. Fai's hands rested against the taller man's chest, making sure not to irritate the wound beneath the bandages.

"Kuro-sama…" a blue eye gazed up at him, that traitorous part of his mind daring to feel hopeful.

Kurogane growled, anger apparent in his fiery red eyes. He leaned down until his mouth hovered next to the other man's ear and hissed, "I'll damn well choose who is and isn't worth my time, you idiot. If I think you're worth my time, let me tell you, I don't give a shit to what you think."

Kurogane moved back, resuming his glare at Fai, whose eye widened in shock, staring unseeingly at him. Fai's eye lowered, his bangs shielding it once again. His shoulders shook slightly and his hands clenched against the broader man's chest. Kurogane furrowed his brow, his arm slackening. Had he gone too far?

Soft, pale hands suddenly slid up his chest slowly and wrapped around his neck as Fai's head came up, eye shining with unshed tears and smiling a smile so bright and happy and so heartwarmingly genuine that Kurogane felt his heart pound unsteadily. He never felt so utterly bewildered in his life. Did the mage want to cry or laugh? Was he going to choke him or hug him?

Fai repeated Kurogane's actions, leaning in towards the ninja's ear. He stopped, and the room was quiet except for Fai's short gusts of breath into Kurogane's ear, involuntarily shuddering as chills shot down his spine. Hands clasped around his neck inched up towards the nape of his neck, stroking the short black hair that rested there.

"Thank you. Thank you… for everything," he breathed into the other man's ear. Kurogane felt the blond's lips move next to his ear as his words gave the other man a feeling he couldn't quite describe. A tanned arm now wrapped around the lanky man more firmly while long fingers threaded through black hair more securely. A face buried itself into the crook of Kurogane's neck, unused to his vulnerability and the absence of the mask he paraded with for almost all his life.

They stayed like that, in an awkward, yet comforting embrace, until Kurogane felt the weight in his arm sag slightly. He shifted a little to see Fai's sleeping face twisted into a frown. The taller man flushed faintly, unsure of what to do. If he let Fai sleep with him and Tomoyo-hime came to visit the next morning, seeing them entangled together, or worse, if the kid or the nurses came in… But if he woke Fai up from the nightmare he was obviously having, he may never see his face free from any façade, fresh and raw and unadulterated.

'Screw the others,' he thought while lying back onto the bed, keeping a tight hold on the sleeping man so he wouldn't fall. Fai tensed slightly, brow furrowing and hands coming down to clutch at the front of Kurogane's robe. His posture relaxed, his face becoming a not-quite smile as he snuggled into the ninja's neck, breathing deep and even. Kurogane's hand came up to stroke the other man's soft hair with a feather-light touch, unwilling to wake the blond. Kurogane felt the pains and aches of previous battles come back at full force as he succumbed to sleep, his chin resting on the mage's head. Fai was his only source of comfort tonight.

* * *

Tomoyo-hime walked down the halls of Shirasaki castle, in search of Kurogane's room. She slid open the screen door slightly in case her servant was still sleeping. The sight that awaited her brought a smile upon her face. Kurogane and Fai were still sleeping, holding each other in an embrace not meant for others to see. Their breathing was in sync with the other; the window on the other side of the room bathing them with the light of the rising sun. Tomoyo closed the door quietly, a smile still gracing her lips. She turned around right in time to see Souma running towards her, panic evident in her face.

"Tomoyo-hime-sama! Please don't run off like that! You must have a bodyguard with you at all times!"

"Nonsense, Souma. I'm inclined to believe that there is no one in Shirasaki castle who wants to harm me. Besides, with Kurogane here, I have the two best ninjas in Nihon to protect me." Tomoyo beamed at Souma, who flushed at the compliment but opened her mouth indignantly to state that one of those two ninjas is now without an arm, rendering him incapable of protecting the princess. Tomoyo raised her hand to prevent this thought from being voiced aloud and spoke again. "His arm may be gone, but that is an obstacle he will soon overcome. However, that is a topic for another time. Right now, could you please alert the nurses not to enter Kurogane's room this morning? He deserves some well needed rest."

Souma frowned, glancing once at the screen door that hid the sleeping couple. "I guess he deserves that much… though I wonder who cut his arm off? And that blond man… he never let go of Kurogane when we reached the castle. I wonder if that man is his lover?"

Tomoyo giggled and smiled mischievously. "Oh, I'm sure Fai-san holds a special place in Kurogane's heart."

She turned and walked away, a confused Souma in tow. Inside the room, Kurogane and Fai both woke up, squinting blearily into the bright sunlight before sneezing simultaneously.

OWARI

A/N: Only a little over 2,000 words, but still quite a feat for me! Did you guys like it? I would really like it if you guys reviewed, so I can improve on my writing with your advice. Any review is appreciated by me, since, after all, this is my first story. And a little treat for you: if you want, I have a (ridiculously short) omake I wrote after writing this that I'd be happy to share with you if you reviewed. Just mention it, and I'll do the rest! ) Thanks so much for reading my story!


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